| I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but your just a line in a song. |
[07 Sep 2005|07:27pm] |
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Fall out Boy |
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I've had an eventful and interesting summer. This may have topped them all. I've become close to so many different people and matured a lot.
ANOTHER very important event... For my sister's birthday, Mandy's boyfriend, Justin, and I found my half sister Krysten. We haven't seen her in about a decade and thats too long. Justin and I tried every nook and cranny and we hit a lot of dead ends, but we did. It took him getting up the balls to show up at her house when we could only find her address, no number. So, Mandy, Krysten, Justin, and I went to the Franklin Park Zoo for Mandy's birthday and it was so much fun. That was something that impacted my life a lot, it was scary, exciting, nerve-racking. I didn't know what to say, how to act. What if she was pissed?? but it wasn't like that at all. I'm so happy that we have a sense of family unity, even if it took a boyfriend to make it happen. Justin is an amazing guy, I'm glad Mandy found a good boyfriend.
My last year of required education had begun and I've found myself asking; "Am I ready for this?" I don't know what i want to do with my life. I don't think that I have any particularly impressive talents, and I live for my laziness. I don't know what job would keep me interested for very long. I tend to get bored, FAST. I have a list:
1. Movie director/writer (Preferred)
2. Actress/musician
3. UN translator/FBI translator
4. Homicide Detective (just seems interesting)
5. Teach German OR English in Germany
I really want to get into the movie business, i always have. I'm just worried about the price of those schools and what if I don't make it? I'll need a backup. I don't know, Not one of those seems very reasonable anymore. I'm not even sure.
Sometimes I wish that I had this remarkable talent that would easily land me and well paying job, but I'm just mediocre at everything I do. I'll never be the best at something, Like dashboard says "I can fail before I even try"
Is that a remarkable talent?
-Katelyn
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| i would walk 500 miles... |
[15 Jun 2005|09:31pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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She Don't Use Jelly- The Flaming Lips |
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today was a pretty good day. We had 7th and 8th finals today, which are the same classes (English and History combined..) English was easy, History was tough until I got to World War 1 and then I know all of it. I think I did pretty good.
I was supposed to go to the beach with Tim and Jenkins today, but the weather was crappy, so we decided not to go. We were gonna go see Star Wars 3 again, and Tim brought Jason, which rocks. Jenkins ended up not wanted to go anymore, so instead of going to the movies, we decided to be "mall rats" and go to the mall in Manchester. It was awesome. They were giving out free bags of Cape Cod chips, so we grabbed 500 of them and brought them to the food court so Tim could get a fork for his cinnabon. We looked at video games, played with the dogs, looked at movies, and Jason went into every store and asked them if they had a business card, apparently, he's collecting them now... it was a fun time.
Then i went for a drive with Kevin and Jenkins, becuase they were at my house when Tim dropped me off. That was cool, Kevin and I sang sweet songs and he told me about his girlfriend and stuff.
Basically I had a good day and that makes me happy :-D
see you all later
-Katelyn
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| Another Silent Scream |
[13 Jun 2005|11:36pm] |
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mood |
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Pinball Wizard- The Who |
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Its been an oddly good day...
I heard that we had a mystery shop at McDonalds and the guy doing it was very impressed with my service and told the owner of my company (Emile), so Emile called our store and told my manager that he wanted to make sure she knew that the reason we did so good was because of me! The manager, by the way, is not my favoritist person in the whole wide world, and we lost points on the thing because she wasn't wearing her name tag. Totally showed her up!
So yea, Jenkins made me call the kid that i like and leave a messege telling him that i like him, so I did and I wasn't to thrilled about it, because I don't tell guys, I like them to approach me. So, I see him today and he doesn't say anything and I was all confused. Come to find out, he lost his phone on Wednesday. I was so relieved. I wasn't ready for that.
I'm a loser huh?
Ok so, new quote of the week....
Amanda finds a coat hanger in the office at Mickey D's (wny its there, I have no idea) so she hangs it on her belt loop on her pants. I look down and give her a weird look and she goes: "Some people like to hang there clothes on coat hangers, but I like to hang coat hangers on my clothes." She's such a crack head and thats why i love her!
finals all this week and then "School's out for the summer", as Alice Cooper would say.
I have to go now, because normal people sleep and sometimes, its cool to be normal... sometimes...
-Katelyn
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| you're now rockin' with a pro |
[13 Jun 2005|08:52am] |
i just re-discovered emo game. I missed that game. i played it for my whole study..
what a loser!
-Katelyn
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| Its green day! |
[10 Jun 2005|12:26pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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Berndt das Brot's beatiful voice |
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Bernd das Brot and I discovered that everyone and their mom is wearing green today.... so appartently its "junior" day..
working tonight.. not working until either 2 or 5 tomorrow.. so if you wanna chill and trade the movies tomorrow, Keith, just tell me. :-D
I got my portfolio finished! its so sweet, I found this thing that teaches little kids how to write their names and I found my name! it says "My name is Katelyn. Katelyn Katelyn, my name is Katelyn."
woo school is almost over, I'm not sure I want it to end yet, there still is one more thing I want to do before that and i only have a week left. How do you tell someone you like them, I just can't do it!
I'm a loser, but I am finally ready to let someone know, I'm still afriad of having a relationship, but I'll never be ready if I keep running away!
I'm wicked hyper right now, becuase I went to Adam's study instead of mine, and we're having a grand ol' time.
-Katelyn
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| Hard Core |
[03 Jun 2005|08:20am] |
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mood |
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Behind Blue Eyes- The Who |
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Things have been ok lately. Theres a lot going on, but I don't really want to talk about it. Basically, I'm alive.
I have to figure out a way to get my check cashed and down to haverhill all in time to get back in time for work, this may be difficult but it necessary.
it takes 20 minutes to derry, we'll say 10 minutes for the bank, to be safe. 40 minutes to get to haverhill, and 40 minutes back to Derry (Highway) so thats 110 minutes - one hour and 50 minutes... i have to be at work for 5.i dont get out of school until 2:15 i'll be home around 2:35 or 2:45... its gonna be an exciting day............
The people at my new doctors office took so much blood, that by the time the got to the last tubes, my vein was dead and there were only drops of blood coming out. I hadn't eaten all day and i felt wicked sick. i was heated.
Anyone have some money i can borrow?? I think my car may have to deal without gas for a while.
-Katelyn
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| Reserviert |
[23 May 2005|03:52pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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music |
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Beck |
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School went by pretty fast today..... Lets see how fast work goes.....
Don't you hate when You can't sleep at all at night, but in the morning when you need to get up, you can't stay awake??????????????? I find it to be like the irony in when a child doesn't want to take a bath, but once they're in, they don't want to come out for anything...
I've lost all my goals again... all i want to be able to do now, is have one happy day. There are just too many variables and it seems like such an impossible task.
i hate that I have so many posters and such a small room. I still need a place for my Clockwork Orange poster and my German "Checkpoint Charlie" poster.. (not to mention the German flag...) I think I need a bigger room, or more walls................
I'm obsessed with the period button...........
I really think i'm going insane
-Katelyn
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| If my heart could beat, it would break my chest |
[22 May 2005|11:19pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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music |
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another cd Keith made for me |
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Another Wonderful weekend full of working and not sleeping.... oh and my new thing which is not eating. I'm just to stressed to even have time to be hungry.
i have this picture next to my computer of Mandy, Aunt Diana, My mom, Nuna, and me when I came back from germany and I'm definitely the biggest and ugliest person in the picture. How can someone with such a beautiful family look like this?????????????
i talked things out with Jenn, we hada little spiff that will not be discussed.. I'm fine with her now, I love Jenn shes one of my best friends, but lately people keep giving me reasons to not want to trust anyone and be alone.. I do have a few people I feel like I can trust, but each for their own reasons and each with different things.. Joe, Mandy, Jenkins, Kevin, and Amanda (there are more people I can trust with some things, but these are the people who know the most about me)
Jenkins got me into the habit of writing down my thoughts in my cell phone's notepad... they're all really depressing.
i don't know how long i can wait for everything to get better. I really think that its never gonna happen. I want instant results. I've been very impulsive lately and thats the only way to really get some happiness. Who needs stupid long-term goals?? I'll probably be dead before I'm 20 with my luck anyways. I think I really do need some solitude to work out all of these stupid "problems"
sleep may be a good idea.. lets see if we could maybe accomplish that task... (this is gonna be very hard folks)
-Katelyn
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| But why i froze, not one among them knows, and never can be told. |
[21 May 2005|10:23pm] |
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restless |
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music |
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wish I could stay- buffy the musicial (what a loser, huh?) |
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Just another shitty week and its finally ending.
I feel like I've been more needy then usual, but also more detached. I want to have people around me to give me constant attention and recognition, but I don't want to know anything about the real me. I want them to be held at a safe distance.
I haven't been eating right, either. I'm slipping back into those slumps. I just want to be able to be happy like everyone else.
i appreciate every single person I have had the pleasure of knowing, so i don't want to hurt them. I want everyone to have a happy ending, but I want my own happy ending... but with my thought process and "beliefs" this can never truely happen
Thank you everyone, but please don't be hurt when I pull away. I feel like I need to right now.
-Katelyn
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| Mephistopheles will die Seele Fausts als Gegenleistung...... |
[18 May 2005|08:19am] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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Blue-eyed girl- Van Morrison |
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I've been thinking a lot lately. Many people have told me I'm a very good person... but am I really? I feel like maybe I put up a good front or something, because I have never thought of myself as a good person. Am I just crazy? I'm not really sure...
maybe this is just a passing thing, like everyone says these things are, or maybe I need to stop listening to what everyone else is saying and start taking care of things myself.
I've got therapy tonight so no worries!!
Jenkins and I went to Joe's house yesterday and his girlfriend cooked us dinner for going with him to get the car. It was fun.
I've got to get my getting on
-Katelyn (Mephistopheles)
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| pretty sweet weekend |
[16 May 2005|08:29am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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My new cd Keith made for me :-D |
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Life has been ok lately. I guess maybe things can be good for an extended period of time.
I found out a friend of mine likes me yesterday. I was baffled, I didn't know what to say. Nobody has ever just came out and told before -and he did. That takes a lot of guts.
This kid rocks too. He's just like me, just as obsessed with movies and stuff. And he always lets me borrow/gives me movies and makes me cds. He really is the sweetest kid I've ever met.
Any one know of any good job offerings?
Went with Jenkins and Joe to get Joe's car. We had a rockin' time.
school sucks... i still have 6 periods left today..... and then work from 5.30 to some later time tonight. (They always make me stay late, so whats the point in knowing what time I'm out???)
I've got to get my getting on......
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| I'm just a sweet...... |
[13 May 2005|08:24am] |
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awake |
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nothing |
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I love my sister. She's the most honest and caring person I've ever met. I hate seeing her upset, but, if I know her like I think I do, She'll soon be strong again.
Love you Mandy! You know I'll always be right here if you need me.
-Katelyn
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| I'd Rather be Truckin' |
[11 May 2005|08:30am] |
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mood |
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indifferent |
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Yesterday was good.... school was actually tolerable. thats a big step for me lately. I like to see my friends, but I hate being pinned down here, we can't even leave the effing building. Whose crappy rule is that??
We had an early release day, so we got out at 12 and Jenn, Jenkins, and I hung out at the sand pits in sandown. It was a sweet deal. Jenn and I tried to climb the mountain that Andy and I climbed, but we decided there are probably ticks and we don't want those.
We dropped jenn off and went to Joe's to hang out for a while. We played video games and I played with his dog. His dog rocks my fuckin' life.
I went to work.... 5 to 10. awesome. Just long enough to make you want to shoot yourself, but not long enough for a break.
i have an appointment with my therapist today. She's a nice lady, but i hate when i know someone trying to analyze me, its makes me freeze up. I don't know, maybe I'll open up to this whole "letting people know how you feel and being open with your emotions" thing soon. Who knows?
I had a weird dream last night.. I dreamt i was giving this random guy a ride somewhere and he kept telling me that I needed to drink this drink that he had. It was drugged and he apparently was going to rape me.. I really don't remember the rest....
I have nothing else to write about guys, so eff off. :-D
Laid!!!!
-Katelyn (the most awesome-est person in the whole wide world!)
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| Look at this stuff, isn't it neat??? |
[10 May 2005|08:10am] |
Today has been a day out of the ordinary. I'm in a wicked hyper/good mood. I think that its because this morning, instead of lying in bed and dreaded getting up, I just got up and did everything I need to do. I think that made my day a little better, because I didn't have enough time to think about how bad it would suck. SWEET!
I'm wearing my Rockin' sunglasses I got in Florida ALL DAY. People say I look like a stoner.. but that sucks. they're pink and thick framed and awesome... I got them in Whoville at Universal Islands of Adventure.
Yesterday, I was standing at the front counter of McDonalds, talking to my friends and I looked out the window and saw Andrew walking in!! He's the coolest kid EVER and he just quit, so I don't see him as much. I was so excitiing to see him! i ran outside. So we hung out at the sand pits in Sandown, Andy, Jenkins, and me. And Andy and I climbed up this huge Mountain of a dirt pile. He went up to the top and picked me a flower! It was so much fun. I miss that kid. i told him, we're hanging out all the time, or I'm not talking to him anymore!!! haha
I also got to hang out with Kev yesterday. That was sweet.
I'm kinda bored of typing, so I'm gonna get my getting on.
See all you gangsters later...
-Katelyn-
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| Gebrauchsmusterschutz |
[09 May 2005|08:19am] |
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weird |
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Beck |
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The offical word of the century is Gebrauchsmusterschutz. Tell your friends. (FYI- it means register design protection in German)
I'm a crackhead sorry- I just like that word.
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| This is how we do |
[05 May 2005|08:15am] |
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mood |
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sore |
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music |
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In study all you can hear is the gentle hum of the computers |
] |
SO yea.. appartently, the reason my throat swelled up is because I got a virual infection.... It is cut up, but the reason its so bad is that... It'll take about a week or a week and a half to heal. I'm stuck with my "Marlon Brando in the Godfather" voice until then.
I have to work tomorrow and that sucks royally. I really can not wait to find a new job. But I'm also afraid to leave McDonalds. I have so many friends that I care about there, what if leaving means that i leave them... I'm afriad to work a lot at another job and not be able to see them anymore and lose them. I don't know. It feels like a lost a lot of people in the past year. Maybe I'll try and stay there for a little while, until i figure out if I really want to leave or not.
I feel stupid when I get crushes and I'd like to say that now. I can't even talk to Jenkins about him. I feel like a loser. I having feelings for people, because that means that I'm gonna let someone into my life. I don't want to do that, because I have bad luck with people and it will probably end up badly. So I guess its settled, huh? No telling this kid or anyone, for that matter. I won't get hurt and I won't hurt anyone this way.
I saw Grace Ireland two days ago. She's my therapist. Its nice to go back there, because I start to realize why i get so depressed. It sucks to be this unhappy all the time, but thats why I go to her, I don't want to become a complainer. :-D
well, I have nothing further I wish to write about.
LAID! (as Chip and Jenkins would say)
-Katelyn
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| Wish i could Stay.... |
[03 May 2005|08:49am] |
First of all, I'd like to say that the McDonalds managers can suck my ass. I hate them with their stupid "too good for everyone else" thing they got going on. I HAD to call out on Sunday, because Of the procedure i had to get done. I got an upper and lower GI and that involves taking laxatives and all this other stuff that made me more sick then before. So, I call, and the biggest bitch of a manager picks up the phone.... Cheri. I told her that i wasn't going into specifics, but there was no way I could go to work (I was also gonna offer to come in later, but after the friggin' attitude she gave me, Kara and her will be lucky if I ever step foot in there again) and she got all pissy. So I told I would get her a doctors note and she was like "Well, you better, because this is ridiculous." So, like 20 minutes later I get a call from a friend of mine who works there, Andy. He says that right after She hung up the phone she started talking shit about me to EVERYONE. She said that I'm "Fucking ridiculous" and all this other shit. (good ol' Andy stuck up for me! I'm gonna marry him. haha)
Apparently, this corporation has a problem with people being sick. Kevin- a manager- was supoosed fired because he's sick. They won't give him health insurance, so he can't go to the doctors unless he pays $84 for an appointment and never mind the cost of medicine--and they won't give him a raise. I'm fed up with their stupid shit. Either, they wise up and start treating EVERYONE with the respect they all deserve (even the russian who doesn't know much english!) then There is gonna be a HUGE crew turnover. My friend and I made a list of everyone who is supposedly leaving. Half the crew. GOOD LUCK KARA! lets see if you're "wonderful" cheri can run this store by herself. Because of her attitude she may have too.
That upper and lower GI i got yesterday is killing me. They told me to expect a sore throat, but it would be gone by the end of the day. It still Kills. I can't eat or drink it hurts so bad. So i went to the nurse to have them take a look and make sure everything is ok and Mrs. Morse said that they hurt my throat so bad by trying to shove it that my whole throat is swollen and bleeding. So, Apparently, my luck is at an all time high of ZERO. This shit always happens to me....
On to better news, I had an awesome time in florida and my car is fixed. More on that later though, because my study is about to end.
ANyone know of any good jobs offerings????
-Katelyn
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| You're now rockin' with the best |
[18 Apr 2005|08:48am] |
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mood |
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thankful |
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music |
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Blue-eyed girl- Van Morrison (Ok its Brown-eyed girl) |
] |
Yo. I'm all excited because Jenkins and I are leaving for Florida on Thursday. Its so close. I'm still having trouble trying to get enough money. Dad said he would help me, but I don't know if thats gonna be enough. I feel bad asking Gram for any money becuase I already owe her some. I don't know. I can't even get my check for this week. because we get checks on Friday and we'll be gone.
I had to call out of work yesterday, becuase I felt like Shit. It sucks not having a car on days when you're just sitting around. I had to borrow my dad's to go get food, becuase lord knows we never have food in my house.
And my stupid manager gave me shit about calling out, so I told her that if she really wants, I could get her a doctors note and that shut her up. Seriuosly, this stupid lady needs to learn her place. She is not that important to the store, but she acts like she friggin' owns it. I can't stand her. She is rude to everybody and treats them like crap unless they worship her. The russian girl (who never does things right) was asked by this manager to close the playplace. So as Stani goes to do it, she yells "NOt that you're gonna do it right or anything. I'm Fucking retarded for asking you to do it." and then calls her a bitch. I can't stand Her! Shes completely fake too. Right when something between two people happens in the store, she picks a side and then is all nice to them and horribly mean to the other. Like its any of her business what is going on in these peoples lives.
Anyways. Appartently, there is a life-time guarentee on my altanator so I can get that fixed for free and have my car back. Which is all I really want. It sucks to not have a car and I feel bad for Jenkins, because I depend on him to drive me everywhere. But, I guess I shouldn't feel that bad, because When he lost his license I drove him EVERYWHERE. I put 1000 miles on my car in one week, becuase of that. But, I always feel bad about everything, so whats to stop me now?
Studies about to end. Laid!
-Katelyn
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| How long has it been? |
[15 Apr 2005|08:22am] |
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mood |
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sick |
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none :( |
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"The tension you have been feeling lately is based in your sense of status, or lack thereof. "
Isn't funny how sometimes your horoscopes are right on?
Its been too long for me to be able to cover everything, but I'm gonna try and start updating this thing again.
I hate being so sick. I just want it all to go away. It makes it so hard to work, I feel like I'm killing myself (for no recognition, I might add). I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep forever sometimes.
i don't know what else to say-- my study is ending soon. I have to go.
-Katelyn
(the funny thing about that mood thing, is I do throw up all the time now. so it looks just like me!)
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| pretty much done with the bullshit |
[06 Jan 2005|09:39pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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99 red balloons- goldfinger |
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its funny how when you hear something, you make a bigger deal of it then necessary until you have time away from people so you can think.
I'm not going to get into the details, but I feel pretty much betrayed by one of my so-called best friends. This is over the dumbest thing too.
The only problem I have right now is talking with Jenn, because Once i try to talk to her about it, I'm gonna say something stupid then feel bad and take everything back and act like I didn't care or mean any of it. Thats how things always end with me. I don't want to have to act like everything is ok when its not.
Another thing, people need to leave the drama where it is. It doesn't need anymore build-up. What I'm now hearing and reading in a livejournal is that supposedly I flipped her off, laughed at her, and was wicked jealous of her and Tim(which is now the supposed beginnning to the drama) Could someone please explain to me when all of this happened because eacha nd every time I heard one of these I was fucking shocked. and granted everyone else knows and she complains that I have said nothing to her about it, but I haven't seen her try and talk about it yet.
I don't feel like I need this bullshit right now. Either things need to be worked out or things need to change... Its all up to you when and IF you read this.
I would like to think that I wouldn't lose a friendship over mindless bullshit, but please don't sit around and complain to the whole world that I'm not saying or doing anything about this problem if you aren't going to yourself.
i think that may be it
-Katelyn
p.s.- today sucked, i couldn't go out because the roads where crappy, so I was stuck in my hellhole(home) all day. My brain is about to snap.
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